You are the CEO

As a teaching professional, I do a lot of listening.  I listen to key concerns, and I assist as best I know how.  Sometimes this involves swing characteristics, such as club face or club path issues, and sometimes it involves mental acuity, such as how do I transfer my skills from the range to the first tee.  Other times I am giving emotional guidance such as, how do I manage my frustration when I know it is causing me to play awful.  The latter is a huge part of the game that I have heard about for years.  Here are some examples:

• “I can’t play with him because he talks too much.”
• “I can’t play with her because her pre shot routine is painfully slow.”
• “I can’t stand when the turf care crew stops their vehicle behind me – I feel like I’m being watched.”
• “I struggle off the first tee because I feel as though people are watching me.”
• “My spouse gives me advice on every hole, and it drives me insane.”

You see, this game is such a huge part of many of our lives.  If you play 3 times a week, that’s 12 to 13 hours spent on the golf course interacting with others each week.  Some days it will be great, and the stars will align, while other days, you may have had a bad sleep and it doesn’t go that well. To perform your best, you need to learn how to manage your own behaviours while interacting with your playing partners.  At times, we tend to project our irritations onto others, while at other times, we bottle it up and let it boil internally.
 
You are the CEO of your life, remember?  You are also the CEO of your game.  If there are others that distract you from this, ask yourself:

• Why do you enjoy playing golf with these people?
• What would you like to be different?
• How could you communicate this to them to help them understand?

Most of the time, the missing link to our frustrations on the golf course is simply a lack of communication.  We tend to assume that others are aware of what we are thinking.  “Can’t they see that they are driving me crazy?!”  Unless you’re playing with Kreskin, I’m pretty sure they can’t read your mind.  Dealing with annoying situations is challenging, but with practice, it can be done.
 
The first step is to understand that it is either out of your control, or within your control.  If you chose to stay silent, it’s out of your control, in which case you then need to learn to manage your own inner state or dialogue.  You can’t change their behaviour, but you can change your reactions to their behaviour.  If slow play bothers you; if someone talking during your pre-shot bothers you; if playing with negative playing partners bothers you, invite this into your practice sessions.  Visualize these situations and how you can manage them better.  I learned this valuable advice from Stephen Ames during the years that I lived in Canmore, AB.  “Always incorporate mental awareness into your practice sessions. Know your weaknesses and visualize or experience them happening while practicing” Stephen was a great resource in my development as a player.
 
Now, let’s use slow play as an example.  If you are in a slow group, or behind a slow group:

• Do you change your routine?
• Does your mind go crazy with judgments thinking about the other players in the group?
• Does your body tense up?

If you are aware that your routine has been thrown off, learn how to deal with it better.  As kids, we always played games on the tee box, putting with our drivers back and forth to the tee markers to stay busy and entertained.  If you find that you tend to speed up because you’re worried about slow play, don’t.  If your pre shot is usually 25 seconds, don’t make it 16 seconds.  It’s only 9 seconds.  If the group behind is pushing, could you possibly ask them what their hurry is?  Perhaps suggest race walking instead?  Of course, I’m joking, but it puts it into perspective.  Golf isn’t a race and playing in 3 hours or less doesn’t earn you a Gold Medal.  It just means you like to play fast while others might like to enjoy the experience.  Neither is incorrect.
 
Let me give you a bit of information I learned while doing my coach training at Vision54 in Scottsdale and something that has helped me tremendously on the golf course.  There is a method they refer to as Face it, Talk to it, Be it.  Now let’s use the example of slow play and go through a scenario.
 
You’ve been paired with two notoriously slow players, and you are dreading your next round of golf.  Imaging it right now.  The entire situation.  The 4 practice swings.  The conversations about the kids. Now you’re Facing it.
 
Now imagine yourself talking with the two players, or, Talk to it.  “You two are notoriously the slowest players in the club and it’s sometimes frustrating for most people to play with you.  Have you ever thought about being ready to go when it’s your turn, or to have your cart in the right spot closer to the next hole so we don’t always have to wait?  While I’m on the subject, why are you pre-shot routines so slow?”  Now imagine their reply.  “We didn’t realize that we were slow, and I wish I knew more about course etiquette.  Maybe Ryan should do an on-course etiquette clinic about it one day? 😉” Or, “I just like to take my time because I’m nervous and I want to do my best out here.  You kind of stress me out because you’re always rushing and fidgety.”
 
Next, imagine that you are the slow player.  Be it.  Take the other person’s perspective.  “I really want to do my best out here, so I’m going to take my time and make sure I do things correctly.”  Or, “That was such a stressful week at work, I’m so glad I get to just enjoy my time on the course on this beautiful day.”
 
By doing this exercise, you not only begin to understand your own behaviours, but also how to be empathetic to those you are playing with.  Ultimately, the goal is to understand yourself better and direct your energy internally to manage the fight or flight response to those behaviours that cause your amygdala to go haywire.  Remember, in the end, you are the CEO of you, not them.
 
Now the million-dollar question – how do I manage myself during slow play on the course?  Sensory awareness.  I look at my surroundings and appreciate the beautiful creation that Mr. Cupp left us with.  I also use music – a lot.  I tend to have a playlist in my head that I can pull from to keep myself in a positive state.  I also think about positive memories, either with family or friends that puts me into a positive state of mind.  That vacation time in Solana Beach, the look on my son’s face when he rode his bike without training wheels for the first time, etc.  I simply try to minimize the annoyances with positive thoughts.  Now only if I could do it while in traffic.  Any advice?  Email it to me at [email protected]
 
 
Thank you for reading,
 
Ryan Rinneard
Director of Instruction
PGA of Canada, Class A